Get Your Thoughts Aligned to Healing After Breast Cancer

I suspect you already know this, but in case you weren't warned, healing can be messy. It doesn't happen in a straight line from A to B...to Z. Your healing journey is gonna look different than your sister-in-law's recovery from breast cancer, and even different than what your doc says, especially if they say you are all better or this is as good as it gets and you are still in pain, not able to move without getting reinjured and that is a talk for another time. It's not just your tight shoulder, scars, and lymphedema that need attention. IF healing just was time and a round of physical therapy you would be better already. When working with my clients, we work on not just the body symptoms like pain and tightness, and more than just self-care, but how to rewire your thoughts into healing mode (without skipping the healing).

So how do you get your thoughts aligned to healing after breast cancer?

If you are in survival mode, which is exactly how your badass got through your breast cancer surgeries and treatments, this is not the mode that is going to help you recover from your breast cancer treatments and surgeries. In survival mode, your brain is gonna be full of all words that represent how your nervous system is protecting you. Sneaky ways of protection are..."Can't", "Should", and "It Doesn't Matter". It's not so much of the word or the fact that you can't do something, it's more about what you are making that mean. Wishing for more of an "I'm ok", "I've got this", and an "I'm on my way" kind of day? Read on Beloved, Read on...

 CAN'T

A simple Can't is very valid but sometimes can be a part of a pattern that gets sticky over time and starts to wear down your self-esteem, self-worth, and spirit. Often, “can’t” is around activities. You're comparing your current self to the person you were before breast cancer. When you are reminded of the thing that you can't do, what are you making this mean?  If you can't go ice skating with the family, does that then lead to the thought, "I'm a bad mom"? When you have the thought that you will never play tennis again, that can lead to a stack attack of thoughts. "I can't play tennis anymore and then I'm gonna gain weight and not fit in my pants and then my husband is not gonna want me....". 

One of the ways to get a glimpse behind the curtain of thoughts is to hang out with the can't and write in your journal. Ask yourself, what am I making this mean? Many times you don’t even notice what is really being thrown at you when these thoughts pop up. For example, when you say you can’t do X, Y, or Z, what is underneath that thought might be that you’re afraid the part of you is never going to come back, that you truly lost part of yourself, and a part of your self-worth is tied to your ability to do things. If your journal leads you to the conclusion that your brain has made up that you are a bad mom, or partner, etc...then you can journal about all the ways in which you are the most amazing mom, partner, boss, and human being on the planet. Throw some empathy and compassion in the mix of what a badass you are! Give yourself credit that you have been through so much AND have come soooo far!

 WHAT AM I MAKING THIS MEAN?

This is why journaling can help you unbury what those deep fears are so notice, and let those thoughts out. Does this actually mean you’re less valuable? No, it means you’re still recovering. You can then rephrase that and think about if it’s actually true. Oftentimes the “can’t” part is not the zinger, but more about what you are making it mean. You can look at it and question it...is this true? Look at your journey for evidence of how you are healing, moving more, and doing more with less pain. 

 “Can’t” can be more like “not yet”. Add that to the mix and you have got yourself some empathy and compassion as you start to woo your new favorite self.

SHOULD

Nodding your head, cuz yes we are all so familiar with the "should". When “should” comes up it’s usually in comparison to another friend or someone you know who’s also in recovery. At times it pops up as your own worries about what others think, such as your doctor, partner, or family thinking you should be doing more. It may also be in regards to activity. For example, you may think at times you should be a better friend, get a certain errand done, or show up and lead a project at work. This can lead to doing too much and then you find yourself on the train to overwhelm. It can then jump from “should” into “can’t”. These two can feed into each other like a cycle and can become entangled. That makes for a really hard day aka overwhelm. (A key insight that I teach to all my clients is to know where they are to that line of threshold which can help you stay out of overwhelm.) 

What's on the other side of should? Yep, “I've got this”.

When you invoke the key phrase "I've got this",  you bring your thoughts to this present moment. Sprinkle in a "not yet", and notice what you are doing...healing. You are healing and to heal takes courage to say no to the things that are not feeding you, no to all things not nourishing you and your spirit, and pushing you into overwhelm with shoulds. As you lean back into life you are the captain of your ship, and you get to read the weather, take an inventory of yourself and your body, and decide what you need and what you don't need. You are the Queen of all things in your domain! 

DOESN'T MATTER

Next, we’ll dive into “it doesn’t matter”. Many times this comes from a place of hopelessness or helplessness if you feel that you’ve tried a bunch of things and nothing’s working. This can cause us to pull away, make our world small, and show up as isolation.

None of these things are your fault. Keep an eye out for yourself, check in, and take inventory of how you’re doing. You can catch these thoughts on the front end and guide them. When “doesn’t matter” pops up it could be the result of being stuck in “can’t” and “should”. (Solutions are coming) Flare-Ups anyone? When you keep trying things that cause a lot of flare-ups, as we discussed in last week’s blog, it can get you stuck in the “I can’t” “I should” cycle. This is a hole that can be difficult to dig yourself out of and bring on isolation and rejection.

A gentle reminder that you don't have to do it all yourself. This healing stuff is tricky and the healthcare system is set up to get you to functional. But what about fabulous? This is where I come in!  Helping women go from breast cancer to fantastic. Yes, you might still have pain but you will have the tools to work with it, to manage your pain, and not let your life be run by your lingering symptoms from your breast cancer surgeries and treatments. Learn how to feel good again in your body, how to navigate intimacy, and how to investigate and reframe those thoughts that can get in the way of healing. Book that FREE call and see what more support could feel like!

So, What's a Beloved to do?

We’ve identified “can’t”, “should”, and “doesn’t matter” now how do we address it?

Can't - "Not Yet"

Make a list of characteristics about yourself; those are parts of you that are very much the same. Your strengths and personality traits have carried you through this whole journey! Come up with three characteristics that you truly love about yourself, respect, and that you’re proud of. Sometimes that can be hard to come up with! Especially, while you’re in the moment. Reach out and ask some of your breast buddies, your near and dear that matter to you. You could be a really great mom, networker, or friend. If you’re in recovery after breast cancer you already have resilience, strength, and courage! 

Should - Says Who?

If you’re in “should” notice the comparison and make a list of what you can do! Every Friday in the group I make a post to celebrate your wins. I mean all of the wins big and small because they all matter, whether you did more of something or were able to take something off your plate. We can brag! I know the word brag usually rubs the wrong way because women are taught not to brag, but share with someone you love and trust. Don’t disregard the little wins like going for a walk when at first you didn’t feel like it, or have scheduled time off for yourself. This can help counter the thought process when you’re stuck in “should”. 

Celebrate all of your wins! In my free five-day journey, I talk about celebrating in ways that speak to you. Celebrate all of your wins, big or small, and you are forging your path to greatness. More good days than bad, more joy, and more compassion and self-love. Worthy with a capital W! "I'm ok" felt all the way to your bones and shines in your eyes and your smile. 

Doesn't Matter -

Rest, Beloved, Rest and Watch for the Stack Attack

Notice the stack attack. A stack attack can show up as thinking you’ll never be able to do certain activities or feel like yourself ever again. It tends to be all-encompassing and writing everything off in the future.  You can bring yourself to the present moment and think about what you want to do this very second.

Ask yourself, "what does my body need?" If you don’t want to go to work maybe you crave rest. Can you take a personal day? Plan ahead and take the weekend and make it yours.

Have that list of your favorite self-care handy. This is what takes your "doesn't matter" to "I'm on my way"! 

You’re still in recovery, you’re still healing, so when you find “can’t”, “should”, and “doesn’t matter'' in your life those are the ways you can counter those thoughts back into the present space where you can find compassion and empathy for yourself. This will allow you to reel yourself back into the feelings of “I’m okay”. You can find space where you acknowledge how brave and courageous you actually are by collecting those characteristics you love and admire about yourself. Remember that  “can’t”, “should”, and “doesn’t matter” can lead into each other. No matter where in the cycle you are, notice your thoughts and when you begin to start feeling irritable, pain, not feeling centered, or grounded, take inventory of where you are and you can implement these tools, add to the thought process, and bring yourself back into that healing zone of “I’m okay”, “I’ve got this”, and “I’m on my way”.

Let me know if you have any questions and let me know how you’re doing! Do you have three characteristics about yourself that you admire? Who might you be comparing yourself to in your recovery journey that throws you into “should”? Many of these things we don’t even notice because they’re in our subconscious. Now we can bring those thoughts into our attention, challenge their accuracy, and realize it doesn’t resonate with us anymore! You can get your thoughts aligned to healing after breast cancer!